Creating from the LIMINAL space

Coming to you from the third trimester of my pregnancy and approaching the spring equinox, a liminal time of equal day and equal night...

Art by Eva-Živa Blažková

My thoughts no longer follow a clear trail. They swerve and wander until I am left staring into space, awoken again by a kick in my womb. Ah…the other life that shares my body.

I smile, I coo. And if I pause long enough to feel the gravity of this, like in this moment, my heart begins to sag with a grief that is synonymous with love. A “thank you God” that is too big for my chest. And nothing else matters but keeping that other beating heart fed and cared for.

I am also a woman alive in a time of great need; a need for revolution. The revolution is happening - right through our bodies. Through our choice to show up with eyes open and heart unarmored. This is also the way that I care for this small, yet determined beating heart in my womb.

The lesson is this: an open heart doesn’t mean it’s unboundaried. A heart needs to feel that it’s protected, trusted and honored, in order to fully bloom. Otherwise we are half alive, half awake, with one mistrustful eye focused on the harm that could happen to us at all times.

The mistrustful heart is not quite at home. It’s quick to cast a finger of blame on others for their wrongdoing. It creates scenarios where we need to protect ourselves; proving that we need to work to be safe, instead of surrendering into the safety net that is here for us. We rebel and push. We are teenagers, hungry to feel our power.

The Earth, life, God, is asking for humankind to mature from our teenage phase. While we watch the government act like toddlers with a dangerous amount of power, it would be easy to want to put them into time-out. To wipe them off of the face of the Earth, even. And rebuild from the center.

I’m learning about physiological baby care and that time-outs actually do not work. Toddlers are not able to self-regulate. They need connection and they learn through embodied transmission, through energy, not words.

This is the feminine medicine that is so needed at this moment.

Words are important, but they are nothing without the energy behind them, breathing life-force into them so the energy ripples into another's nervous system. We call it a transmission.

How many women do you know who speak from their pussy?

It’s a holy thing to behold. She commands the room. Not in an overpowering way, in a leaned back, rooted way. She is a tribute to gravity in a world that is always dreaming of flying. She holds the center in the storm. She is the eye of God. But of course she is, for every human on Earth is made manifest in her Womb.

So how do we become a living transmission of energy that is healing for ourselves, our communities and the planet?

Somatic therapy has helped me heal in infinite ways. And then I reached a point where it no longer served me to coddle my trauma stories, or to feel safe all of the time. I actually needed to step into danger, and surrender to death’s doorway, in order to fully live. These are the living transmissions of intact ceremonial rites of passage.

Instead of working with somatic therapists, I work with embodiment coaches who don't coddle my sense of safety, because they support me to crack open the internal architecture I've built around me. This architecture that was crucial to survive, but is now too small for my soul's mission.

They challenge me, make me sweat, and hold me with a fierce love that I didn’t know I needed if I was going to mature into from Maiden to Mother.

Art by Eva-Živa Blažková

Rites of passage experiences are the kind of thing my parents wouldn’t approve of, but the ancestors rejoice about. It brings the Grandmothers down from the ethers to whisper through the veil: “woman, you are stronger than you know."

And I believe it’s these kinds of initiations that will support me in the birth portal. Not being obsessed with safety and regulation, but because my trust in my innate capacity to transform, to surrender, and be held by something much bigger than I has expanded.

As an embodiment coach, I am leaving behind the practitioner who coddled trauma stories and didn’t say what was on the tip of my tongue for fear that my client’s nervous system couldn’t handle it. Sometimes we aren’t quite ready, sometimes we react, and that’s how we grow. Sometimes we just need someone to meet us in our power, instead of pretending we are somehow less than.

As practitioners, we need to get out of the savior seat.

We need to understand that it’s not about us, that we are vessels for source energy to move through. And if source energy needs to come through as fire, as steel, or as a thunderstorm, we need to trust in that kind of love.

As humans walking the Earth in this time, we need to be vigilant about the ways we still perceive ourselves as victims.

We need guides who can remind us that we are creating this. To go deeper, and touch the real, raw truth. It's from that place of surrender that we can build something truly beautiful from the ashes of the fire.

I love you. I grieve with you. My heart longs with you. I am holding the dream with you.

I’m here in service to creating a better world, a more sane world, a more truly loving world, for my daughter and all of the children.

Join me in the LIMINAL space for my last offering before I go on Mama hiatus.

No more hiding. Come if you're ready to do the work. JOIN HERE.

And if this share moved you, let's talk in the comments.

In devotion to Body and Soul,

Hayley