The Healing Edge: Why Triggering Sensation Isn’t a Setback

Hayley
Jan 29
3 min read

Updated: Jan 29

TW: sexual violation

Sex started to be more triggering after I began doing self intervaginal massage (aka pussy massage).

We like to follow all the taglines of “have better sex! More orgasms! Reclaim your power!”

And yes, these are very real and important affects of sexual healing. But the road to get there isn’t all 🌈 and 🦄 .

When we begin to de-armor parts of our body that hold tension as protection around a wound, we feel the dissolution of the sensation, emotion and mental associations that were being held there as well.

It’s like a snapshot frozen in time - as the energy goes in, so it must go out.

This clearing is the healing process in action, but it scares a lot of people into stopping the process because they feel they are going backwards or getting “worse.”

This is also why titration (zooming in and zooming out on the healing spot) is key. And infusing your process with glimmers (things that feel good to your nervous system) like nature connection, dance, art and community!

As more blood flow, life-force and connection came back into my pelvic bowl, sexual intercourse would bring contact to the places that had previously been frozen…thawing out a feeling or a memory that hadn’t been fully digested.

My unconscious pattern was to dissociate and just power through it so I wouldn’t have to feel it. But being with a sensitive partner who was an honorable man that truly loved me, he would often be the one to slow us down and listen to the communication from my body with compassion.

Just having a man being so attuned and tender with me was usually enough to set off the tears as he held me. Then through the murky darkness, a dusty memory would come floating out of my psyche's shelf. Betrayal. Violation. Shame.

I usually didn’t (or couldn’t) verbalize it in the moment but would just hold space for the experience to unfold (it's important to not let mental / verbal processing get in the way of feeling).

I remember one morning after this happened I was woofing down my breakfast when I paused: “what am I doing?” realizing I was masking anxiety by eating fast. I stopped and dropped into my body.

Very quickly intense grief started to bubble up from my belly. Thanks to grief ceremony I was familiar with the feeling of a grief purge coming on, so I got on my hands on and knees.

I let the wails come, the screams. Fists of rage from the betrayal that was clearing from my system. The past me’s who said “no” while trusting the vulnerable, sacred space of intimacy with men who then decided to violate my boundary.

This release was a ripple effect of coming home to my pelvic bowl, creating the environment to process and shed what I no longer needed to hold. The imprint of shame that wasn’t mine, and was a like a dark sludge invading my sacred space.

And with the feeling, came the healing. Restoring sensation and connection in the “trigger point” that was inside of me. Bringing me closer to myself and my partner. Clearing the dis-ease / imbalance and making way for health - hormonally, emotionally and spiritually. Reconnecting my pussy and womb to my mind (which birth control intentionally severs, by the way!!).

Our pelvic bowl is a road map for our healing. And not just for sexual experiences, but for our entire lives. Ask yourself:

🌺 What have I absorbed that I don’t need to hold onto?

🌺 How am I honoring my needs?

🌺 What am I allowing myself to receive?

🌺 What am I creating with my life-force?

Pussy work is sacred. It’s meant to be handled with utmost respect and care, as we grow in our capacity to know ourselves and process our past so we can liberate our future. So we can regain our ground, our sovereignty and of course - our pleasure, creativity and power.

If you have a pussy and are intrigued, I invite you to join a 13 day journey of self pussy massage and embodiment.

These practices didn't just awaken the tension points that needed release, they brought me home to my center - my compass - the voice of my womb. They allow me to feel safe inside of myself, to trust my intuition, to receive the gifts of life fully, to feel nourished.

Join us: